drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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