Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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