Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
