drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
