For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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