I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
