cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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