fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
