He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize