Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
