That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
