i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
