That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
