I just saw a hot homeless man
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize