i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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