and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can you bring me the toilet please
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
