I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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