So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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