I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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