did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Don't make out with my wife yet
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
