dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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