i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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