So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
