Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
