Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
