He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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