Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
