Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just had sex bonerless
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize