idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
