you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
