I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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