I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
my liver is dry heaving
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize