I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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