They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize