Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wear drunk well.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
