Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize