The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
