Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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