Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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