Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
