I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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