One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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