My brain says no but my pants say off.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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