That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
