cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
