I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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