I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
