I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
