we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
