I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
