Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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