eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
