Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
