It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
