it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize