If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
