Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
