the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
