hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
