there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
