so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
