so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
