It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
