I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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