The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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