I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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