I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
