Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
