I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I did not marry a roomba.
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